The Journey

In the spring of 2008, I was working at a coffee house in downtown Charleston. I lived on James Island in a beautiful little one bedroom condo with hardwood floors and a fireplace and a little balcony that overlooked the marsh. I returned to Charleston exactly one year earlier, for the last time, with a mixture of defeat and surrender. My most recent attempt to move away in pursuit of my acting career turned out to be my final one, and I had given up, come “home,” and resigned myself to simply seeing what came next. In the wake of this, I experienced bouts of devastation offset by moments of blissful freedom, but mostly I felt like a failure, lost and floundering in the squalor of my directionless life.

My return to Charleston was preceded by a deep realization of the emptiness of my life’s pursuits. This realization was the catalyst for some deep reflection and the impetus for some major changes I intended to make. After returning to Charleston however, I lost sight of the powerful realization I had made with the preoccupation of my daily life. I created a new social circle and spent a year attempting to fill the familiar emptiness in a new way, including a lonely relationship that I struggled to breathe life into. By the time 2008 rolled around, the relationship that had been partly responsible for my return to Charleston had ended in a final puff of smoke, and the buzzing artsy social scene I had entrenched myself in was becoming stale and routine.

Enter an old acquaintance: Andrea. Andrea was a former theater friend I had worked with years before. One afternoon, she waltzed into my coffee shop and ordered a chai tea latte. With mutual surprise, we chatted briefly and on she went about her merry way. A week or two later, Andrea showed up again. We chatted again and this time she insisted we exchange numbers. To my surprise, she called soon after and we made plans to hang out. When we did, she mentioned a counselor that she had been seeing. I was surprised not only that she was sharing such personal information, but also because I had been toying with the idea of seeing a counselor once again myself, but didn’t know where to begin. Upon her high recommendation, I decided to give this guy a try.

What Andrea didn’t know was that I had been struggling to heal from 25+ years of deep pain, depression, and trauma and that I was at a breaking point. I’d spent almost a decade using conventional counseling, therapy, and psychiatric drugs off-and-on; and by this point, I was determined to find a better way. After a few weeks of putting it off, I finally picked up the phone and made an appointment. It was a month before I could get in, and I kicked myself for waiting to call.

The week of my appointment, I took it upon myself to sit down and write this new guy an email letting him know exactly who I was and what I wanted. I abruptly informed him of my litany of psychiatric diagnoses, to save him the time of having to make them himself, and of my history with psychiatric medication. I then told him in no uncertain terms that I didn’t give two beans about all of that crap, and that I was coming to see him because I was looking for a real, permanent, and natural way to deal with all of my crap. I let him know up front that I would not consider the use of any sort of medication. So there.

When I finally arrived at Keith’s office for my two hour appointment, I once again reiterated my intentions. It’s funny to me now because at that time I had no idea that what I was walking into could not be any further from a traditional therapy session. Not only had I stumbled into the office of the one therapist in my entire life who would never consider labeling me with diagnoses or sending me to a shrink, but I had just met the person who would become so much more than a counselor: a teacher, a spiritual mentor, a guru, and a friend.

I found myself walking out of Keith’s office two hours later, head swimming, dazed, and wishing I had another two hours to spend. I felt exhilarated and hopeful. There was a buzzing deep down in the center of my being. Something had been touched that too long had been asleep. Never before had I heard so many life affirming, deeply resonating truths spoken in one place at one time. With my whole heart, I knew that I finally found what I was looking for.

Seven years later, I still feel the same way about my sessions with Keith. During those seven years, I have faced brutal truths and overwhelming fears at the aid of a man who cares enough to tell me the truth no matter how much it might piss me off or how hurt I might want to feel. Never once have I felt judged or condemned in that office by anyone other than myself. Never have I felt anything less than total acceptance, even when he may be yelling or jumping up and down to make his point. Never have I felt so trusting of someone’s guidance and counsel before, largely because he’s never asked me to accept anything blindly or on “faith.” On the contrary, Keith invites me to check in my own heart everything that he says, and welcomes any protestations.

In accordance with the old adage, “When the student is ready, the master appears,” Keith showed up in my life at the very moment when I was ready for it. Ever since that day, my life has moved steadily forward on an upward trajectory of growth toward peace and joy. By no means has it been a smooth road, but hell if it hasn’t been the only thing in my life that was ever really worth doing. I will never be able to express in mere words the profound impact that his presence has had on my life or the depth of my gratitude for his willingness to teach and his endless well of patience and compassion for those who want to learn.

This is to whom I am referring when I say “my teacher.” He does not wear white robes, sit all day in silent meditation, or stroke a long, flowing beard as he pontificates about the  meaning of life. In fact, if you passed him in the supermarket he wouldn’t stand out, in particular, in his jeans and his sneakers. But make no mistake that there are men of deep wisdom and truth standing hidden among us, and Keith is among those. His down to earth, no nonsense approach and irreverent manner make him an unlikely candidate for the traditional “guru,” and from this I have learned that our teachers are numerous and everywhere. He is not infallible, but it is for this very reason that he is such a powerful teacher. He uses his own life lessons as the fodder for his work and that makes him deeply accessible and relatable.

Thanks to the work I have done in and out of Keith’s office, I now stand confidently in my own awareness, truth, and knowledge. Out of this growth, I have cultivated a deep relationship with two great teachers: Jesus, one of the greatest teachers of all time, and the Ultimate Teacher, Holy Spirit. A Course In Miracles describes the Holy Spirit as “the Voice For God” within each and every one of us, and it is to Him who I turn for the ultimate direction and guidance in my life. The Holy Spirit’s guidance is omnipresent and available to me at all times; and thanks to this presence, I have a sounding board by which to check all the teachings that come into my life for Truth and legitimacy. This leaves me open to whatever comes into my life without having to fear for “being led astray” or “swayed by falsehoods.” I can now rest safely and securely in the trust of Holy Spirit’s unfailing guidance.

I decided to write this blog as an introduction for anyone who doesn’t already know Keith, but also as an expression of gratitude for both the teachers in my life that have worked tirelessly to help show me The Way, and for this journey that I am on which has already taken me so very far.

Thank you,

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