The Journey

I had a truly surreal experience last Friday morning. When I arrived at The Office and began to boot up my computer, I decided to tune into Hay House Radio via the phone app. Now, I can’t tell you the last time I listened to Hay House Radio, but now that I am enjoying the solitude of my own private office, I can listen to whatever the hell I want. I find that I prefer to listen to something that reminds me of the Truth while I am working, such as ACIM, another inspirational audiobook, or my teacher’s podcast. And this is how I ended up tuning into Hay House to see if there was anything interesting or worthwhile playing.

I’m logging into the computer system as the radio app is opening on my phone, and I hear a man speaking. He seems to be responding to a caller. I look down at the app to find out that the speaker is a Mr. Alan Cohen, of whom I have never heard. Shortly, the caller begins to respond to something the speaker has said, and as she does, my interest rapidly grows. The caller is sharing a dream she has, a vision for her life and future. After awhile, she tells Alan that, in her heart of hearts, she would like to be doing the same sort of work that he does: writing books, speaking at events, and teaching others about the path of spiritual growth. She goes on to lament that her current life is so far away from that, she feels stuck due to a lack of financial support, and she’s just at a loss as to how to get from here to there.

To top it all off, as Alan begins to respond to her again, I learn that the caller’s name is Christina. At this point, I begin to laugh out loud. I was already listening in awe as this stranger described my exact feelings, thoughts, and life situation, not more than three years ago, and then again, only a year and a half ago. The similarities were astonishing. And when Alan called her Christina, I had to pinch myself to see if I weren’t somehow caught in a time warp, listening to my very self call into a Hay House radio show seeking guidance and inspiration in my career path and life’s work. It was just too uncanny.

Alan tried to help her with some solid advice on staying open to spirit and lifting her spirits so that she could be more open to inspiration. Much of what he said was accurate. But I was struck most of all by the sudden realization: I can help her! Not only do I know what she’s going through, but I have a glimpse of the other side of it now. And that’s when I began to understand how much, exactly, I have come to understand about this very subject. I have at least as many answers as questions in this department, and it feels damn fine after all these years of seeking.

Right then and there I stopped what I was doing and I wrote to Mr. Cohen. I described the radio show I had just heard and the caller he was speaking to. I told him that I felt like I could offer some perspective to this caller, if she would like. I asked him to forward my email to her so that she could get in touch with me if she wanted to. Christina seemed to be seeking help and guidance from the Universe, and I thought how awesome it would feel to call into such a show and have some random listener respond to that call out of the blue. I received a response from Mr. Cohen’s office later that day saying that they would do just that.

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Three years ago, I left my job at the shipping store to pursue my heart’s desires. More than anything, I wanted to find and do work in the field that I felt so passionate about: 1.) Spirituality, or 2.) Tiny Houses. I’ve always had a thing about tiny houses, but by far my interest in the journey, the path, “The Way” as Lao Tzu called it, has been my over-arching passion for the past 7 years. The journey of spiritual awakening resonates so deeply with me that all I really want to do is talk with others about it and share, commune, learn, teach, and grow in this arena. For a long time, I thought I wanted to be a life coach, to work with others one-on-one the way that my own teacher does. I saw other young teachers like Gabrielle Bernstein, or authors like Sera Beak and thought, “I want to do that!” But then that thought would be immediately followed by thoughts of inferiority, competition, and defeat.

After the shipping store, I sat around for a few months, seeking creative inspiration and dabbling with painting. But very soon I became fearful and contracted due to the uncertainty of my life and the lack of clear direction. I ended up taking a physically grueling job as a part-time dog washer to help get me through the unemployment period, and that was immediately followed by money panic. Soon, I was awash in anxiety and fear as I “gave up” and searched for another job. That’s when I landed at the day spa where I would work for just over a year before essentially doing the same thing again. The period of unemployment following the spa resulted in a creative outpouring that manifested as the writing of a book, but I was once again driven by fear into The Office, where I work now. While these periods were extremely uncomfortable, I learned a great deal from them and I am grateful for all that I experienced. But there was something fundamentally incorrect about my approach which is why it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.

In my heart, I longed to make my life’s work correspond with my passion: The Journey. But in my mind, I was obsessed with form. I was convinced that I could not work at a shipping store, or coffee house, or spa, or you-name-it and be the awesome, super-successful, uber-inspirational teacher/speaker/writer that I wanted to be. I was also convinced of what doing my life’s work “should” look like. I had it in my mind that in order to fulfill my desire to teach, learn and grow on the spiritual journey, I had to be a great author, or a certified life coach, or a licensed counselor. In other words, I had to obtain some sort of credentials first; some piece of paperwork from someone outside of myself giving me the right and the validity to do what I wanted to do. With this mindset, there was no room for me to evolve into my own unique role, rather, I had to immediately establish myself in a particular role and move forward from there. This is like deciding to run for the office of President of the United States before even joining the city council.

Deep down, I didn’t really believe in myself either. Competing thoughts such as “Who am I to teach anyone?” and “What do I really know–I don’t even have it all worked out yet!” combined with “That can’t possibly be for me. I would mess it all up with my ego” to completely defeat any glimpses of true inspiration that might have otherwise reached me. Meanwhile, it was ego itself that impeded my creativity and blocked the realization of my inherent ability to do the work of my heart’s calling. That mindset belies a belief that in order to teach one must already be a master. This creates a bit of a quandary considering that teaching is required in order to learn. The Course says that first we learn, then we teach, and then we truly learn. The real question is: Who am I not to follow this process? But of course, my ego would rather first establish itself as an authority, to know it all and have it all worked out before going out to teach. That way, there’s no vulnerability involved, and consequently, no true growth can occur.

These were the mental obstacles that I faced over the past few years. At the same time, I found myself in precarious financial positions. I so resented the jobs that I felt were standing in my way that I ran from them. Then, I found myself overwhelmed with the stress of making ends meet which totally blocked any joy or inspiration that I hoped I would experience from getting out of the job. I would go back to work in another mundane position in order to alleviate the pressure of financial duress, but then found myself too busy, drained, preoccupied, and tired to pursue my heart’s desire. This cycle has been playing out for years.

It wasn’t until recently, after I began to severely challenge my work and job mindset, that I began to understand: There is another way. When I started manifesting a new experience within my current workplace, and dramatic shifts began to occur at the same time, it ushered in a new state of abundance. While financial abundance was part of that shift, that is not all that I’m talking about here. Abundance covers so much more, and that is what I have come to experience: Abundance of inspiration, abundance of determination, abundance of will, abundance of ideas, and abundance of gratitude. My whole life began to breathe more easily. Soon I began to see that there were possibilities where before there had been none.

The key shift in my understanding is this: It is not about form; it is about content. It doesn’t matter who you are speaking to or where you are speaking; it is about what you are communicating. It doesn’t matter whether you are a janitor, a CEO, or a best-selling author; it matters only how you do your work, what you are teaching yourself and those around you through your actions and unique presence. It doesn’t matter whether you have millions of followers, or a handful of blog readers; it matters only the content that you are putting out into the world. My mind has been so preoccupied with the form that my life’s work should take–what it should look like. But as I have connected more and more to my heart’s desires, I have found that my heart doesn’t care about what it looks like in form, what others say or think about it, or how visible my work is. My heart only cares that I do the work. These days, that simply means writing for the pure enjoyment that I receive from writing and no other reason at all.

I am thrilled and astounded when I learn that something I have said or done has touched someone–it is pure icing on the cake. But my focus is on doing the work that I am uniquely driven to do. I no longer have a clue what form my life’s work will take, what it will look like, or what it may turn into. In fact, the psychological, intuitive, and professional developments of the past couple of years leave me perplexed as to how it all could possibly meld together into any integrated form; and yet, I have the distinct intuitive impression that some day it will. Right now, the form is Office Manager by day, rogue spiritual adventurer fear-defeating warrior by night. I consider myself in covert spiritual operations all day long. I’m using the form and content of my life for further exploration, growth, and as a result, teaching. The day job pays the bills and relieves the stress of daily, earthly concerns so that I can focus more fully on my heart’s desires and soul’s growth. I am now so grateful for this opportunity which this otherwise mundane profession affords me. Not only that, but like some corporate spy, I use the day job to examine myself and observe the world around me to further my spiritual growth and understanding. It is immensely educational.

Right now, for example, I have stolen away on my lunch break to engage in some undercover blog writing. I have all kinds of content to delve into on another post thanks to The Frenchie’s presence in The Office this week. More on that to come. The point I am getting to here is just that it is all being used now. Nothing stands in the way of my growth or the pursuit of  my heart’s desire; and everything I have gone through has only helped to get me to where I am today. Crazy thing is, I could have done this all along. No matter how you do it, if you pour Love into the content that you are producing–no matter what it is or what form it takes–you will experience joy. And so long as I stay focused on the joy of producing the content, and refuse to be sidetracked by form, status, how I am perceived, or “results,” then I cannot go wrong. Whatever it is you’re doing or want to do, do it for the Love of doing it! and no other reason at all. <—–That is what I am learning; and that is what I would try to impress upon myself three years ago.

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It is my prayer that Christina finds her own unique voice and begins to fulfill her heart’s desires through her own particular expression of God. I know that she is here to do the work that her soul is calling her towards and I hope that she will do that now instead of waiting to meet all of ego’s oppressive demands first. Ego only offers obstacles, while Spirit always offers opportunities. The time and the place is now–Now is all we will ever have.

With Love Always,

cc