The Journey

The thing about Love is…we mostly don’t understand it. The problem with that is…we mostly think that we do. In fact for most of us, Love is never actually explained, much less taught. We learn along the way that Love is an emotion, a feeling, and oftentimes, an obligation. We learn that Love requires sacrifice, duty, and compromise. The main issue with all of this is that it is complete and total bullshit.

A Course In Miracles teaches that Love requires NO sacrifice, ever, never, not once, under any circumstances: “You who believe that sacrifice IS love, must learn that sacrifice is separation FROM love.” (Urtext T 15 K 4)  It also confirms that sacrifice is integral to our faulty understanding of Love in this world: “Your confusion of sacrifice and love is so profound that you cannot conceive of love WITHOUT sacrifice.” (Urtext T 15 J 6) And then Jesus takes it a whole step further to turn the entire idea on its head: “…SACRIFICE IS ATTACK, NOT LOVE. If you would accept but this ONE idea, your fear of love would vanish.” (Urtext T 15 J 6) As it turns out, not only are we actually totally confused about what Love is, but we’re actually afraid of it! And to top it all off, when we think we are acting “lovingly” by making a sacrifice on any level, we are actually engaging in attack! We couldn’t be more misunderstanding of what Love actually means here.
It also teaches us that Love has nothing to do with emotion or a feeling. Love is not even in the slightest way connected to that sensation of butterflies you feel in your stomach when that handsome man/woman walks by. It is also entirely unrelated to familial duty and obligation. Love is not about romance, heartache, or marital bliss.

Enough about what Love is not. What the hell is it, then?

One of the earliest definitions of Love in the Course is this: the opposite of fear. But as you continue to read about it, this message occurs over and over again: Love, quite simply, is what we are. Hahaha! That’s not simple at all, is it? Well, yes, actually it is. It is unbelievably simple but also unbelievably difficult to accept and understand…initially, anyway. Love is not a state of the mind or the heart, rather it is something visceral, concrete and real. Love is the actual substance of energy that makes up our very being. No, not your body, your being. The essence of you. The Truth of you which lives endlessly and forever, before birth and after the physical death. Love is what you are.

I’m not going to front: I still struggle with this realization as well. It is insanely difficult to wrap your intellect around this concept, mostly because the reality of this concept lies so far beyond the realm of feeble intellect. It is hard to understand because it goes against everything our ego has created and taught us about “Love.” So with full disclosure I readily confess that, even though I understand what the Course is trying to teach here, I also understand that I don’t really understand it…yet.

Truth is, the more I learn along this journey of spiritual and personal development, the less I feel that I know. To be perfectly honest, I often feel that I know nothing these days. It seems as if I know and understand even less now than when I first began traversing this path. It may sound crazy, and it absolutely seems counterintuitive, but it’s the truth. The first few years, I learned so much. I unlearned quite a bit as well, which is even more challenging. Gradually, I came to know things. Or I thought I did. The more I knew, the more confident I became in my progress. And then, it began to rewind itself. Now, it seems like there’s almost nothing that I know. Instead, I learn, unlearn, understand and practice things. But I don’t know shit. Except for that which I know. Confused yet? It’s okay, it’s not you. It’s words. They tend to fail in this arena.

Back to Love. I now understand that Love is not an emotion. However, that does not mean that you can’t feel it. Since Love is your essence, your very energy, it can absolutely be felt, perceived and sensed. This means that practicing Love does not necessarily look anything like what we have been taught by the world. Practicing Love does not mean giving flowers or boxes of chocolate. Practicing Love is not hugging or kissing someone. Practicing Love is not even saying, “I love you.”

I’m going to let you in on a little secret, now, that the vast majority of people in the world are desperately seeking. I’ve already let you in on half the secret by answering, “What is Love?” (A question that most of us fail to ask, much less consider. We assume we already know, but can’t seem to understand why it’s so elusive. Hmmm…) But now I’m going to bring it on home by answering, “Where do I find it?” You can sail to the ends of the earth and back, seek high and lo, date every person on the face of the planet, meet dozens of soul mates and you still won’t find it. There is only ONE place to find, access, and truly experience Love. Are you curious at all yet? Perhaps you already know. If so, you’re one of the lucky ones, and those are few and far between. If not, I’m going to give you the answer, the only answer there is, ever has been, or ever will be:

The only place that you will find true, enduring, real Love is…drum roll please…within your Self.

Pay attention to your reaction to this information. Did you groan? Roll your eyes? Deflate sheepishly? Sigh? Smile knowingly? I just told you something you already knew but most likely still ignore or avoid most of the time. It’s just too damn difficult to find Love within yourself all by yourself, isn’t it? Well, that’s what your ego would have you believe, for sure!

It’s likely that you may have heard of something along these lines before. It’s likely that you have continued to seek Love in and around every other place that you can conceive of. You know how I know? Easy. Because you’re human. That’s what we do. For the most part, we’ll do anything and everything before sitting still and truly going within. We’re so damn terrified of what we’ll find (or not find) that we’ve created endless ways to avoid doing this very thing. You think I’m exaggerating? Consider this: We created this entire Universe for THAT VERY PURPOSE. And on a daily basis we’d rather eat, drink, watch TV, have sex, read a book, play a video game, go shopping, go to the gym, go to work, stare at our cell phones, play games, get high, talk to our friends, paint our toenails, play with the dog/cat/bird or do a BAZILLION other equally benign and inane things to occupy ourselves so fully that at the end of the day…we simply don’t have the time to sit still and “look within.” Seriously, who has the time? Maybe after the kids are grown and we’re retired….

Let me ask you, do you have the time to discover real, true, blissful, unadulterated Love? I do. Hell yeah, I do. I can’t think of a single better way to spend my time. Does this mean that I have to go find a cave on the edge of the earth or join the monks up in the Himalayas to really look within? Does it mean that I don’t still have a day full of dozens of other occupiers? Of course not. I’m human, after all. And I must live and function within this universe that we’ve created. But I’ll be damned if I can’t find the time to sit still, look within, and discover what Love really is. It’s a matter of priority.

Initially it can be quite scary to do this kind of work. It’s unfamiliar and we’re downright scared of what we might find. We’re concerned whether we’re doing it wrong or right. We’re devastated if it seems like nothing is happening. It’s all quite funny, in the end, because we’re like fish trying to see water. We’re convinced it’s not really there. All the while, we are absolutely swimming in it. You are Love. You are forever connected to your Source, God, the origin of Love. You can never be separated from the Truth of yourself, no matter how long or how fervently you might deny it.

I cannot wait to fully awaken to this Truth. In the meantime, I keep practicing it. I love to just sit and stare out the window or close my eyes and feel my true essence. It doesn’t matter where I am, what’s going on, or what I’m doing anymore–I can still feel it. It gets easier and easier all the time. I forget who and what I am for a moment. I forget my worries, fears, and expectations. There’s nothing for me to do or know or prove. Total humility and surrender. Just being. I feel peace, contentment, expansive. THIS is what Love is. It’s been here all along. I can’t even believe I went so long ignoring and avoiding it. Nothing else compares to it. I could not ask for more. I breathe deeply and can’t help but smile. I’m smiling because…I can feel God.

You can too.

In Love,
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