The Journey

I wouldn’t call myself an impulsive person, but patience doesn’t come very easily to me. I do have a tendency to think things through before acting, but once I have thought it through, I tend to act on my conclusions immediately. Once I’ve made up my mind about something, I’m ready to follow through with it now. This second. Let’s do it.

I can identify positive aspects to this trait, such as fearlessness and bravery. But if those traits aren’t balanced with ease and pacing, then impatience results. And as it was recently pointed out to me, patience is really a matter of Trust. To reference ACIM, “Patience comes naturally to those who Trust.”

Patience hasn’t come very naturally to me in the past and it is an area in which I have been heavily tested of late. In fact, I’ve built and cultivated more patience in more difficult situations this whole year than I have in all the preceding years of my life combined. At times, I’ve felt like I have been tested and stretched in ways that were out of my control so that I had no other choice but to be patient. But in reality, I have had a choice in the matter every step of the way. In my recent jobs and relationships, I could have said “Fuck this!” at any point. I could have walked away or chosen to take charge of things, but through nothing short of a great act of will, I did not. Instead, I chose to be patient, to listen to those who have my best interests at heart, and to hold the line against great odds. And for that, I am very proud of myself.

These choices have inspired great growth, but they have also been a great strain. The choice for patience has not come easily, or naturally, in these certain areas. And I can now see clearly the cause for this strain: Lack of trust.

So it got me to questioning the choice for Trust: How do you make it and Why would you make it? Choosing to trust, I realized, is more than just giving up external control. It means giving up mental and emotional control as well. And the reason to do this is because that means giving up worry, anxiety, and fear at the same time which is a worthwhile payoff. After all, mental planning, strategizing, and future-tripping is the cause of all worry, anxiety and fear.

This means that truly Trusting requires releasing all your fears, expectations, and mental projections. And when you do that, patience comes naturally because you are now in a state of peace and contentment. So at that point, everything is groovy and it’s easy to be patient because you’re not stressing about attaining some perceived place, thing, or goal in the future. And when you’re not stressing about the future, then you can now be fully present in the moment which brings you to a place of appreciation for…The Journey.

After following this sound logic, I also realized that control is really only ever an illusion because it is actually no more than a state of mind that is fearful, anxious, and expectant with planning, predicting, and strategizing. In fact, we have no control outside of our own state of mind, and in that arena we are most certainly in control. So at the end of the day, the choice is pretty simple: Choose to Trust (which appears as letting go of control) and find ease, peace and patience in your journey. OR, choose to assume “control” (which is actually impossible and keeps you mired in illusion) and find anxiety, worry, and turmoil–always in the future–on your journey.

Last night, I crawled into my wonderful bed and took a deep breath and as I let it out, I made the choice to Trust. I felt anxiety melt away, contentment settle in its place, and a happy little smile eased away the contemplative wrinkles in my forehead. And today, I enjoyed the heck out of my journey. I can’t explain how or why, but I just know that it’s all going to be okay.

In Trust,
cc