The Journey

I’ve never been big on New Year’s Eve celebrations. Growing up, it wasn’t something that my family really participated in or observed in any special way. As an adult, I have attempted to partake in NYE celebrations on a few different occassions, but every single time I ended up feeling let down, deflated, disappointed. In fact, the fuzzy, hazy start to the next day–the first day of the New Year–often felt even worse. What a way to “ring in” a brand new year. I’m not knocking other people who enjoy this sort of celebration, but honestly, I’ve never met anyone who truly does. It seems to be some sort of inculcated ritual that we must stand outside in the freezing cold with 50,000 of our closest friends, screaming wildly at the stroke of midnight. The problem with this is simply that I do not know what it is for, and to date, I have yet to find someone who does.

Having said that, I do not dislike New Year’s Eve. On the contrary, I like it very much. It has taken some trial and error, including the aformentioned celebrations, for me to really hone in on and understand my feelings for New Year’s. It just turns out that I enjoy spending New Year’s in a very different way, a way that I have had to find and come to on my own. But now that I have, I really love it. Although nothing inherently changes between Dec 31st and Jan 1st, I do think it is a beautiful opportunity to stop, reflect, and take stock, and that is a tradition I truly enjoy. As Socrates noted in one of my favorite quotes, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” What better time to do a little introspective examining than at the point when the calendar turns back, again, to the beginning? I love this sense of “fresh start” that we are offered over and over again, and NYE embodies it. I like to spend New Year’s Eve reflecting on the previous year, and New Year’s Day setting intentions for the year ahead. And so it is in this spirit that I sat last night and reflected on the year of 2014 and all that it has uncovered; and again I sat this morning and reflected on what is ahead.

2014: A Review

Last night, I sat down and wrote out a sort of timeline of the past year. Wow! It is amazing to me how short of a time span a single year is, and yet, what a long, drawn out period it is as well. But after all, “Time is an illusion…and so are pants.”

In all the clarity of hindsight, I can see now the greater forces at play throughout this past year. This has been a year of INTENSITY. Enormous battles have been taking place, beneath the surface, and enormous shifts have occurred as well. These aspects are most certainly linked. There has been a great deal of trial and error, testing, pushing, and struggling. It feels as if I have been pushing a boulder uphill, shoulder dug in, feet scrambling for traction in the earth, determined and uncertain at the same time. Looking back, I can now see clearly why I have so often felt exhausted, drained, depleted and burnt throughout the year. This is not to say that it has been a “bad” year–far from it. But it has been a challenging one. It has been a year of pushing limits and putting action behind words and beliefs. It has been a “rubber meets the road” sort of year. There has been a great battle raging between ego and Spirit, just below the surface. Each side has seen victories, and each side has seen defeats; But, Spirit seems to be coming out on top, however narrowly. Again, it has been an uphill journey and while the progress felt slow and labored at the time, I can now see just how much ground has been covered.

I have a little sign on my fridge, written in crayon on construction paper, that says, “The successful pursuit of happiness requires intentionally pursuing counter-intuitive life strategies.” Some of the most marked shifts in my life, during 2014, have come when I have been faced yet again with a familiar challenge, opportunity, or decision and intentionally chosen to do the opposite of what I have done in the past. Many times, this has meant foregoing that which seemed like it would provide instant gratification, relief, or “happiness” in favor of seeing what would happen if I chose to stay the course and discover what was waiting on the other side. By and large, when I have succeeded in making this opposite decision, the results have been enormous life lessons and a great deal of abundance. I have had numerous “cut and run” opportunities in 2014, the likes of which I have traditonally taken advantage of, and sitting here today, I can confidently say that I now know much more about what I am truly capable of.

The beginning of 2014 saw me toiling away in the theater, an area that I had not visited since 2007. I reunited with my old flame only to discover that the fire of passion that once consumed us had somehow inexplicably grown cold. That which I used to seek, and sometimes find, through my theatrical pursuits was no longer present. I found that I did not need the attention, the faux sense of family, or the relief of experiencing in-the-moment-ness that theater used to seemingly provide. I understood why it would never have been able to fulfill me in the way that I had hoped. After an exhausting first 4 months, I felt dazed and confused. Within a couple of months, I recovered only to run headlong into my old friend: Work Conflict. I dug my heels in this time determined to find peace and happiness in spite of circumstances or outer forces. I met some success followed by greater challenges and conflicts, dug in again, and found a well of capability in me that I did not realize I had. This year has seen great personal and professional challenges, and each one has presented an opportunity. I am so very deeply grateful for these chances to choose again, make new decisions, uncover incredible lessons, push my personal limits and boundaries, and experience new depths of strength and new levels of conviction. I am so grateful to the teacher and friends in my life who have supported this effort, offered sound guidance, and shown me a great deal of Love in the process. Although the year has ended with a consistently high level of effort and exertion, the payoffs have matched this same level. Again, I say, Wow!

As I reflected on all of this last night, I opened ACIM, asking for the message that I need to hear at this specific point in time. I flipped it open and landed on a beautiful passage, specifically chosen by the Holy Spirit. It is such a beautiful, perfect New Year’s message that I felt compelled to share. I was going to highlight my most favorite parts, but I just ended up highlighting the whole thing–ha! It is from the Urtext T 14, B 3:

“Each one of you has a special part to play in the Atonement, but the message given to each to share is always the same; GOD’s SON IS GUILTLESS. Each one teaches the message differently, and learns it differently. But UNTIL he teaches it and learns it, he will suffer the pain of dim awareness, that his true function remains unfulfilled in him. The burden of guilt is heavy, but God would not have you bound by it. HIS plan for your awaking is as perfect as yours is fallible. You know not what you do, but He Who knows is with you. His gentleness is yours, and all the love you share with God, He holds in trust for you. He would teach you nothing except how to be happy.“

2015: Stepping Up

As I sat considering the intentions I would like to set for 2015 this morning, I felt certain strong impressions about the year that is to come. I jotted some of these down, and I noted that my intentions are in alignment with these impressions. Most likely this is because one is necessarily affected by the other, and vice versa. I’d like to share these with you here. Just note that these impressions are strictly coming from within and are not supported by any research nor anything that I have heard or read.

“Stepping Up” is the initial impression I received about 2015. It seems that we are making a single, finite step up onto a new, polished level. In fact, I get the feeling that this is the first in a three year cycle. In other words, we are stepping up onto a platform, or level, that we will traverse for the next three years. It is new territory, sleeker and glossier than that which we have been trudging through in previous years.

My impression of this “new level” is marked by a sense of maturity, seriousness, understanding, and sobriety. We’re shedding old skin and moving into the new: fresh, sleek, more refined. There is a new level of professionalism and an air of sobriety in our approach to things now. There is a sense of careful consideration and weighing the odds. It is as if we are maturing from the tumultuous stage of moody, petulant adolescence into a more refined and wiser early adulthood. It is being propelled forward by the momentum of the lessons we have been learning and assimilating, and they are now enough to drive us forward at a modest pace.

Balance and Communication are keywords for 2015. It seems that there is a need to learn and practice moderation. There is an opportunity to find a balance in our development that is akin to undulating, rolling hills as opposed to the sharp spikes and valleys we have previously known. Moderation and balance are key to this maturity and continued growth.

There is also an opportunity to plumb new depths of communication and discover new outlets of expression. There is a shining opportunity here to truly delve deeper, to surprise ourselves with a level of openness, vulnerability, and eloquence we have not previously explored or given creedence to. Learning to communicate in a truer, deeper way is going to be an important assignment for 2015, as it is marked with decisiveness, directness, and forthrightness.

It feels like the first 3 months or so will be a transition period as we move into this new space, finding our feet for these rolling, steady hills. Sometime around the middle of the year, it feels like we will reach the turning point where we have found our feet in this brave, new world and will begin to move forward with some confidence. Though marked by restraint, we will march forward in determination and quiet conviction. An internal state of calm and equilibrium will begin to surface if we have been practicing balance and moderation in the early days. In fact, we will keep right on marching into the next year where, like returning sophomore students, we will now know the lay of the land and have a new level of comfort and ease at the start of the new year.

Although straight-laced sounding, I do not feel that 2015 will be a boring year. In fact, it may offer some of the biggest surprises and most unexpected developments that we have ever witnessed. The difference will simply be in our ability to find steadiness, balance, and a reassuring calm in the midst of all that may occur. We have seen and experienced enough now not to be thrown overboard every time the boat is rocked.

Perhaps these impressions pertain to me and my journey only, but I do feel that they are representative of a larger, more global movement and more likely apply to the community at large. I suppose we shall see. In the meantime, I have set my own intentions for 2015:

1.) Creative Abundance. I intend to nurture and foster my unique creativity, and I commit to following it wherever it takes me.

2.) Even keel. I intend to find and maintain a steady, even keel nurturing balance. For me, personally, I am looking for steady, rolling hills as    opposed to the extreme spikes and valleys that have been so typical and familiar in my past.

3.) Speaking up. I intend to plumb new depths of communication and expression, learning to speak up for what is right and supporting my own needs, beliefs, and/or convictions.

4). And this one is a doozy: Victor/Conqueror. I intend to end the cycle of victimhood with courage and responsibility, every chance I get. I intend to find and recognize victim thoughts and behaviors, as they arise, that are sabotaging my True Self and natural Light, and to overcome them with responsibility thereby transforming me into a Conqueror/Victor!

What are you feeling about 2015 and/or what intentions have you set for yourself? I’d love to hear what other people are feeling and thinking as well.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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